I have several thoughts that have just been drifting through my brain. I think there might be some sort of loose connection among them, so bear with me while I meander through them.
The train of thought began, as so many do, with yet another realization of one of the differences between sexes—they make very different customers. As a coffeehouse/deli worker, I serve a lot of regulars, and many of them want things a certain way. When the men order their food a certain way, it rarely seems like a big deal. “I want the burger, no mayo.” Bam. Done. He pays for it, he gets his food, he’s happy. When a woman orders food a certain way, it’s like she has to spell it out for you. Repeatedly. Just to make sure. And quite regularly, when you take the food out to her, she’ll ask if it’s made the way she wanted it before she even looks at it. Maybe it’s a confidence issue—a man pays you to do a job and assumes it will be done correctly until you mess it up, while a woman wants to mother-hen the entire process—I don’t know.
But I think that same problem can carry over into the dating world when a woman wants to “custom-order” a man. I wish I could count the times I’ve heard or seen a girl list all the unrealistic expectations she wants in a man (my favorites include the words “always” and “never,” as in, “He’ll always notice when I dress up” and “He’ll never play video games when I’m around”). Not only are they patently ridiculous, but never have I heard a girl say what she’ll aspire to do or be in order to be her dream guy’s dream girl. No doubt, listed among all her expectations is that he’ll accept her for the way she is, never mind that she’s imperfect, asking for perfection.
I can’t put my finger on exactly what quality makes it so, but it often is true that when a man knows what he wants, he’s confident, but when a woman knows what she wants, she’s a witch. Or maybe it’s just that the confident women don’t need to display it or make an issue of it and so are overlooked in memory when people try to remember picky men and picky women.
How have you seen the “I know what I want” mentality acted out, for good or ill?