Soulless Mate

You can stop reading if you’ve already heard this rant. You know, the one that concerns my very strong feelings on the subject of soulmates or on finding “the one.”

I can’t stand it.

I think it may be the most damaging concept to marriages and relationships. Also, it takes away the romance of what a true relationship is.

Let me explain.

The idea of a soulmate is the idea that there’s one person out there with the other half of your soul, and when you find that person, the two of you are complete. Ignoring for a moment the absurdity of the sheer numbers game you’d have to play on a planet of 7 billion people, this implies that, once you find that one special person and your soul is whole again, there could be no conflict in the relationship, that the “spark” will never fade, that huge misunderstandings could never crop up. Because you’re with the person you’re destined to be with. I mean, if it’s destiny, then you can’t help but stay in love. And if you fall out of love, then maybe it’s because the new person is your soulmate.

And where’s the romance in that?

Romance is choosing, not just once but every day, to put another person’s wants and needs ahead of your own.

It’s coming home from a long day of work and still choosing to cook supper for your spouse, or to do the dishes, or to watch the baby, just because you want to lighten the other person’s load.

Romance is choosing to love the same person day in and day out—in choosing that person again each and every time another temptation may present itself.

And every time you choose to love your partner, you make that person “the one” rather than finding him or her ready-made for you. I tell you, I much prefer the idea that Steve loves me because he chooses to, not because he has to or else his soul will be torn in two. Not only did he choose to love me when we started dating seriously, or on our wedding day, but he chooses to love me when I have supper ready for him when he gets home and when I yell at him for leaving the wet towel on the bed; when I dress up nicely just for him and when I’m sick and disgusting; when I’m fit and lean and when I’m 9 months pregnant.

And isn’t that an exciting, romantic thought?


2 thoughts on “Soulless Mate

    • And isn’t that the key? The romance of a soulmate is the romantic idea of finding a person, while the romance that is a real relationship is in the lifelong process of loving someone else.

      I actually had to ask Steve what I yell at him about. This semester he’s been much better about not leaving wet towels on the bed cause he doesn’t wake up at 6 am. 😉

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