Hit On or Get Hit

Guys, there are very few right ways to hit on women, but the list of wrong ways is never-ending. One very wrong way is to flirt with a woman who is a captive audience. That means anyone in any service industry–waitresses (of course), cashiers, hair stylists–anyone who is getting paid to be polite. Yet because we’re being paid to be polite, you assume that the method works and you continue. It is not only sleazy but also potentially hazardous. If a woman does finally snap from having borne too many unwanted advances with a smile in her face, it’s liable to be in a way that no male, no matter how masochistic, would enjoy.

Hitting on your cashier is bad enough. Hitting on your cashier whose wedding ring you’ve been ignoring for the last two years is worse. But it is an epic fail to hit on that same cashier whose wedding ring you’ve overlooked when she is six months pregnant. Not only because, despite the fact that most of the time she feels amazing for growing a new life, she feels like a legless cow, but also because those hormones we laugh at in sitcoms are real.

Things that never bothered her before a human started growing in her uterus are now triggers for homicidal rages. Perfectly mundane comments (heck, even compliments) can trigger an uncontrollable flood of tears. And to be hit on my some smarmy ne-er-do-well when I’m so bloated and hormonal I’m constantly see-sawing between whether or not I even want my husband to flirt with me makes me really wonder how valuable I am to my company and how much of my mind they would excuse me for expressing, both with words and thrown objects.

This public service announcement is brought to you by my morning cup of java. Have a nice day.

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